35.

Today is my 35th Birthday.  I didn't really dig the idea of turning 35.

35 sounds so....

Grown up.
Mature.
Adult.
Established.

Of which, I am none.  I don't feel any of those.  I feel like I'm still 25 - well except I'm more tired than I was then, my eyes are worse and I have some grey hairs, and some annoying creaks.

Turning 30 didn't bother me at all.  It didn't phase me, was just a blip on the radar.

Maybe its because when I was a girl dreaming, I figured I'd have "it" all figured out at 35.

I don't.  What I have figured out, is I'm not sure what "it" even is. What I have figured out, is I'll never figure it out.  I don't control it. I can plan 7 ways till Sunday, but unless its God's plan, its useless.

A song from Casting Crowns new album really puts it into perspective for me. Its called "Your Already There"
Thank GOD He's already there. He knows I am just bumbling along on this path before me, trying to find my way following Him and trying to keep His word a light unto my path. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail, but I'm grateful for the blood that covers me, and the Father that picks me up and dusts me off and sets me back on the path.

I'm so grateful that even when I don't have "it" figured out, God knows where we are headed.
Its so comforting the words to this song I've added "bold' to the lyric that really speaks to me.

From where I'm standing
Lord its so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are gonna play out
In a world I can't control.

When I'm lost in the mystery
To you my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When you breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of your picture perfect plan
When I'm lost in the mystery
To you my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life

Waiting on the other side

And You're already there

You're already there

One day I'll stand before You

And look back on the life I've lived

I can't wait to enjoy the view

And see how all the pieces fit

Here is a link to the video if you want to hear them sing it. 


I love the whole "come to the well" album, but Already There and Come to the Well are my favorite tracks.


"when you are runnin' on empty, and you can't find the remedy, just come to the well" 
"just rest in my arms awhile, you'll feel the change my child, when you come to the well" 
leave it all behind, and come to the well...

Your pursuit of perfection (leave it all behind)

Your fear of rejection (leave it all behind)

Your temporary pleasures (leave it all behind)

All your earthly treasures (leave it all behind)

Dried up empty religion (leave it all behind)

Rusty chains of addiction (leave it all behind)

All the guilt that weighs you down (leave it all behind)

Just leave it all behind and come to the well

The Pencil

This information was part of our mother/daughter retreat this weekend, and the speaker told use we could freely share.  Its about a pencil.  An unassuming, plain pencil.

The pencil maker told the pencil 5 things before he put the pencil in the box to be sold.

1) You will be able to do MANY great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in someones hands.
2) You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you need it, to become a better pencil.
3) You will be able to correct the mistakes you make.
4) The MOST important part of you will ALWAYS be what's on the inside.
5) On every surface you are used, you MUST leave your mark. No matter the condition you must continue to write.

How does this apply to us?

1) You can do MANY things if you reside in God's hand, and allow other beings to access the many gifts you possess.

Isaiah 41:10 Do Not fear for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand.

2) You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time by going through trials and problems, but you will need it to become a stronger person.

Isaiah 43:2 "I will be with you when you pass through the waters and through the rivers; they will NOT overwhelm you. You will NOT be scorched through the fire, and the flame will not burn you."

Ecclesiastes 10:10 If an ax is dull, and one doesnt sharpen the edge, then one must exert more strength; however, the advantage of wisdom is that it brings success"

Zechariah 13: 9 "I will but this third through the fire, I will refine them as silver is refined and test them as cold is tested. They will call on my Name and I will answer them. I will say, They are my people, and they will say, the Lord is our God."

Prov 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another"

3) You will be able to correct some of the mistakes you might make, and grow through them, and learn from them.

Phil 3:13 "one thing I do; forgetting what is behind, and reaching forward to what is ahead"

Ephesians 4:22-24 "You took off your former way of life, the old man that is corrupted by deceitful desires. You are being renewed in the spirit of your minds, you put on the new man, the one that created according to God's likeness in righteousness and purity of the truth.

Romans 12:2 Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know God's will for you, which is good, pleasing and perfect"

2 Timothy 3:16-17 All scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong, and teaches us to do what is right.

Phil 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus

4) The MOST important part of you will ALWAYS be what's on the inside.

Prov 27:19 As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person

I Sam 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, "Don't judge by his appearance, of height, for I have rejected him.  The LORD doesnt see things the way you see them.  People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart"

5) On every surface you walk, you MUST leave your mark.  No matter the situation serve God in everything. We leave a mark, on everything - will it be a dirty smudge, or will we point to God?

Lev 19:17-18 And to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.  Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, o God until I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.

Psalm 66:16 Come and listen, all who fear God, let me tell you what he has done for me.

Deuteronomy 6:1-3 these are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children, and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, so that you may enjoy long life.  Hear O Israel, and be careful to obey so that you may go well with you, and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD the God of your fathers promised you.

The Challenge:

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart, your soul, and your strength.  These commandments that I give you are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children, talk about them when you sit at home, and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of you houses, and on your gates"

The Well and Peter

I've been reading Mark Hall's (of Casting Crowns) new book The Well.  Its really good, I wasnt sure what to expect, but since I love his music I thought why not.  Basically its about how we go to our own "wells" - instead of THE Well - Jesus, for what we need.  Obviously a book called "The Well" is going to at least mention the woman at the well that Jesus speaks too. I've always been interested in that story, and all the things Jesus did that humans thought were "weird" for a man to do (go to the water well at all, for instance), but that is a different blog.  What struck me while I was reading some this weekend - Trust me, I'm surprised I read any too, considering we had a soccer tourny in a town 30 mins away, which meant 3 games on Saturday, and one on Sunday, along with church twice, but I was able to read a little.

I was reading a chapter about Peter. I love Peter.  Peter is SO ME.  Peter is so REAL. Peter, God love him, he's just Peter.  Peter has faith, loves Jesus, but doubts too. He's rash, his mouth and activities get him in trouble time and time again.  When he thinks he's in the right, he just reacts (remember an ear, anyone?) but when he's scared for his own life, he denies the very source of living water he's been following.  But God used Mark to put a divine highlighter on some stuff about Peter.

Peter was a fisherman, Jesus went to him at the boats, and after a long night of fishing, where they had caught nothing, Jesus told them to try again.  Mark points out that Peter, he was a professional fisherman.  If you were a professional fisherman, what would you have said when this carpenter told you how to fish? But Peter listens, and the nets are full to breaking.  Jesus cares about every detail in our lives...even the ones we think "we can handle".

Later, when Jesus is arrested, Peter denies he knows him three times.  I've always wondered how any one who actually walked with Jesus and saw the miracles with their own eyes could do that.  Mark Hall points out that Peter, well he didn't have the Holy Spirit yet....and he might have thought he had lost Jesus. How blessed we are, to know that we have the Spirit with us...what is our excuse??  Yet we deny him all the time.  We deny him in the workplace, in our friendships - when we think it will be "weird" or people might think we  are "one of those freaks" etc.

When things go wrong, what do you do?  Do you go back to things that are comfortable?  I know I do.  I like comfort of things that I understand and can grasp.  What did Peter do?  He went back fishing.  He knew fishing, he understood fishing, it was a source of comfort I imagine.  What did Jesus do?  He came to Peter....and cooked him a meal - a meal of what?  yeah, of fish. Again, showing how he loved PETER as PETER and that he would take care of him, even the fish.  And he asks Peter three times if he loves him.  Peter, do you love me (agape love - deep abiding, self sacrificing love) and Peter answers that he does love him (philos- friendship love) twice.  The third time, Jesus says Peter, do you even Philos love me??  Can you imagine, being toe to toe and face to face with the lamb of God, and being asked, do you even really love me as a brother?  ouch.  But guess what?  He asks us that. Do you? do you love Jesus?  He love us, with a deep agape love - loves so much that he died for each one of us. I saw quoted the other day that Nails didnt keep Jesus on the cross, love did - How true is that.

He loves us, and only wants us to accept his love and live for him.  I want to say yes, I agape love Jesus every minute of every day. But I would be lying.  I am a Peter.  I want to be on fire for Jesus, I want the world to see how great HE is, and how much He loves us, but I've denied him.  But the best part? The thing about Grace? Jesus loves me anyway. forgives me when I am broken about it and beg to be cleansed again. Lifts me up and sets me on my feet and never leaves me.  I dont deserve it, but I sure am glad its so.  I want to get out of the boat and walk, and not sink.  I pray that I am a little better every day, a little more like Him, and point to Him, because with out Him, we are just dry bones.

Family Movie Night: Soul Surfer

Fridays are family movie night at our house.  We usually either rent a redbox, or find something on streaming netflix, or pull up something from the DVR, pull a big ole comforter in the floor for the girls with pillows, pop some popcorn and snuggle up with the zoo and watch a family flick.  As you can guess with 6 and 10 year old girls in the house, we usually watch something girly and cartoony, or something disneyish (How many times can I watch Another Cinderella Story with Selena Gomez?!), but this week, dad won out.  He and I have both wanted to see Soul Surfer, so we researched it and decided that the shark scene was short enough maybe it wouldn't scare E too bad.

It was a GREAT movie! I loved it! I cried like a baby, with my girls and the puglets piled on top of me on the sofa.  E had some of the sweetest things to say when she lost her arm..mom, she cant hug people the same etc. I loved the references they made to her faith.  If you don't know, its based on a true story, and she overcame with her faith in Jesus, and surfs as a pro still. To plagiarize a famous duo...."two thumbs up".  I know some people were upset that it was a "Christian" movie and the surfer girls were in bikini's but there is even a scene where they talk about a bikini as being an "eye patch" and if you tried to surf in that you'd show more than you intended.  We don't wear bikini's, but in this movie, with the exception of one scene with a photo shoot, they really were a non-issue. Language was fine, there was some praise music, and talking about God and Jesus and faith and you see dad reading a Bible. Mom, Dad and siblings have a good relationship, and there is talk of missions and a plug for World Vision (which H recognized immediately because we sponsor a child in Hondouras through World Vision, and H loves looking for mail from her and sending her mail).  There is some interaction with the lead character and a rival, and she handles it beautifully. There is a fight between best friends, and they handle it well too. Healthy ways to respond in relationships that kids NEED to see and understand. There are some great moments between mom and daughter, which I personally love to see, and dad and daughter, and healthy "communication" (read argument) between mom and dad even.  I loved it.  I'd watch it again, and I'd recommend it to any family with kids old enough to handle the shark attack.

Anyway, that was last night. Fast forward to tonight, as I was tucking the girls in to bed. I could tell that H was thinking about something...

Me: Baby, whats wrong?

H: Nothing.

Me:  I can tell somethings bothering you, what is it?

H: Its just, mom I've been thinking about Soul Surfer, and the shark.

Me: what about it?

H: that was scary

Me: it was, but was the shark the point of the movie?

H: no, it was about her not giving up, and surfing again

Me: yep, and how did she do that? how did she make it? who gave her strength?

H: ...umm...

E: I know I know! GOD!

H: yeah, God.

Me: yeah, what was the verse she quoted?

H: I can do all things...
E: through Jesus
H: who gives me strength

Me: yeah, thats right.  Bad things happen, but with Jesus we can come through them and find the good, right? How would her life have been different if she HADNT lost her arm?

H: mmm....  she might not have gone to Thailand and helped the kids?

Me: yep, anything else?

E: she might not have gotten the letters?

Me: what letters?

E: the letters for the kids...the kids who...
H: had lost arms?

Me: yep, thats right. Even though she lost an arm, and that was really really bad, because she didnt lose her faith in Jesus, and she looked for the good, God helped her to help other people.  The shark, it wasnt "bad" it was just an animal. So don't be scared of the shark....look for the good.

So, I was worried that E would be scared of the shark...but she wasn't, she got it, H however, was scared of the shark.  boy, I had that one backwards! But it was a great movie, and I loved the fact that it opened up a conversation about tough times.  :)

Weekends are fun..

but way to short to cram all the stuff into and stay sane.  Haha.  We get a txt from E's soccer coach..we have to be at the fields at 730 in the morning.  SEVEN THIRTY AM. really?  ick. Saturday is the only day I dont have to be up early and we have to be there at 730.  Then she has games at 10 and 12. I'm still trying to figure out why we have to be there at 730 am.  That is a LONG time before 10.  Oh well.

Then of course, there is my other obsession, SEC football.  I must watch my beloved Tide roll, cheer for any team playing Auburn, and in general watch too much tv cus of the football.

Somewhere on Saturday I usually have to figure out when to squeeze in my other obsession, couponing, and then the necessary evil of conquering, scaling,   beating down Mount Washmore. Cleaning straightening  unearthing the house from mess.  Play with the kids, make sure we have everything we need for next week. I try to get as much done on Saturday so I can enjoy Sunday.  I love Sunday. I love church, and my babies in Sunday school, and seeing how much my kids love KIDS Church, and worship, the whole bit.  But y'all at Crossgates we dont just do church..we DO church! We leave the house at 845, and we usually get home around 1245 (and that doesnt include lunch!). I love it, but that's about all I can accomplish in one day.  I am slap worn out, but its a happy tired.  I love working with my SS kids, and I adore worshiping the King at Crossgates.  It just takes a lot out of me!

Ever since the kids had VBS this summer, I have wanted to take them to participate in the church service at We Will Go, in inner city Jackson.  They learned about a church without walls (literal) and were just blown away people meet outside.  We Will Go meets in a pavilion, but y'all..they ask people from the outside areas to get there at 2 for instruction on how to help with the service and love on the people from the inner city...and I just cant do it!  Getting home at 1245 to leave at 130 just doesn't happen. I want it to happen.  I just need an extra dose of strength.  I'll keep you posted if we make it.

Musings about a 10 year old daughter...

My girls are growing so fast.  Time is so fleeting with them.  It feels like the longer I live, the faster time flies.

H is 10, and in 5th grade.  That means that next year, she will be in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.  This scares the ever lovin' daylights out of me.  Do you remember junior high? Where I grew up it was called "middle school" but it was awful.  It was when people really started paying attention to how much money people had and how they act.

I look back on the 10 years I've been blessed to be this girls momma, and I remember being worried about several milestones - potty training, first day if kindergarten, first sleep over - those pale in comparison to staring down JUNIOR HIGH.  JUNIOR HIGH is 3 years from HIGH SCHOOL!  Do you remember how you were in high school?  I do.  I was miserable most of the time in HS, and couldnt WAIT to get out of there and off to college.  And that is exactly what I did. left for college and never went back.

I was reflecting on this earlier, am I doing the right things with her? Are being successful in teaching her how to be a child of the King? Will she have the foundation she needs to survive the hits that will come in JUNIOR HIGH?

A very wise woman at church and I were talking about how we wished we could freeze time and not let H leave 5th grade.  Then she said to me, Val, what EVER you do, enjoy every moment of this last year in elementary school.  Every moment.  Then, enjoy every moment in Junior High, because the moments she'll be with you are getting shorter and shorter.  This particular woman loves my daughter nearly as much as I do.

Then she tells me how she used to be paranoid about letting her daughter do anything, go across the yard to play at a neighbors, spend the night, ride with other people etc... and a wise momma told her "do you not realize, that even though you love your daughter with all your heart, God loves her more, and do you not TRUST HIM with her protection?"  Wow she said, that changed her perspective of dealing with her daughter growing up... and she passed it on to me and God's dealing with me on this now.  Do I? Do I trust HIM enough to protect my daughter?  I say yes, but in practice I don't.  The King of the Universe has already called my child to Him, and she is a daughter of the King. Who am I to think I am more equipped than he is to take care of her and keep her safe?  This crazy world we live in, makes me very afraid to let her go, but I realize that I will have to let her go, sooner than later.  And if I don't she'll have her wings clipped, and may not find the purpose that God has for her in this great big old world.  Will she make mistakes?  Yes.  Will I have her 100% equipped to deal with situations?  No.  Will God take care of her?  YES! Does that mean I take a hands off approach? NO!

Proverbs 22: 6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Deuteronomy 4:9 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

Deuteronomy 11:19Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Whoa! Is that heavy or what?Teach them (God's laws) to your children, talking about them when you sit, walk, lie down and get up. That sounds like 100% of the time to me, doesn't it to you? Wow! I know I cant say 100% of the time I am doing what God wants me to do. I'd like to, and my spirit wants to, but we are flesh and we fail. God's mercy covers us and picks us up and dusts us off. But to me, this verse about training up children means we are never done. Thats a lot of responsibility! And God hand picked me to be her Momma...so he will equip me to do what she needs, I just have to give her to Him and follow His directives.  Sounds easy when you type it, but its so HARD! God just asks me to surrender her to Him. He asked Abraham to kill his only son, and Abraham would have done it had God not stopped him at the last minute. I dont think I could do that. so anyway, aside from rambling, the weight of responsibility for my precious children is heavy sometimes...and I have to remember that ALL our burdens we are to give to Christ. He will do a much better job than I could ever do on my own.