35.

Today is my 35th Birthday.  I didn't really dig the idea of turning 35.

35 sounds so....

Grown up.
Mature.
Adult.
Established.

Of which, I am none.  I don't feel any of those.  I feel like I'm still 25 - well except I'm more tired than I was then, my eyes are worse and I have some grey hairs, and some annoying creaks.

Turning 30 didn't bother me at all.  It didn't phase me, was just a blip on the radar.

Maybe its because when I was a girl dreaming, I figured I'd have "it" all figured out at 35.

I don't.  What I have figured out, is I'm not sure what "it" even is. What I have figured out, is I'll never figure it out.  I don't control it. I can plan 7 ways till Sunday, but unless its God's plan, its useless.

A song from Casting Crowns new album really puts it into perspective for me. Its called "Your Already There"
Thank GOD He's already there. He knows I am just bumbling along on this path before me, trying to find my way following Him and trying to keep His word a light unto my path. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail, but I'm grateful for the blood that covers me, and the Father that picks me up and dusts me off and sets me back on the path.

I'm so grateful that even when I don't have "it" figured out, God knows where we are headed.
Its so comforting the words to this song I've added "bold' to the lyric that really speaks to me.

From where I'm standing
Lord its so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are gonna play out
In a world I can't control.

When I'm lost in the mystery
To you my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When you breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of your picture perfect plan
When I'm lost in the mystery
To you my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life

Waiting on the other side

And You're already there

You're already there

One day I'll stand before You

And look back on the life I've lived

I can't wait to enjoy the view

And see how all the pieces fit

Here is a link to the video if you want to hear them sing it. 


I love the whole "come to the well" album, but Already There and Come to the Well are my favorite tracks.


"when you are runnin' on empty, and you can't find the remedy, just come to the well" 
"just rest in my arms awhile, you'll feel the change my child, when you come to the well" 
leave it all behind, and come to the well...

Your pursuit of perfection (leave it all behind)

Your fear of rejection (leave it all behind)

Your temporary pleasures (leave it all behind)

All your earthly treasures (leave it all behind)

Dried up empty religion (leave it all behind)

Rusty chains of addiction (leave it all behind)

All the guilt that weighs you down (leave it all behind)

Just leave it all behind and come to the well

Prosecutor vs Defense Attorney

To help deal with all the stuff in my life, I started seeing a therapist once a month.  I figured, it can't hurt.
When you add stress at work to being a caregiver to a mom with EOAD to being a mom of two small children and a wife and keeping a house running, well you can imagine I run on empty sometimes.

So last time I went to talk to him, we discussed Prosecutors and Defense Attorneys.  Interesting you think?
Anyway, basically we have both in our heads.  When we are down on ourselves about stuff, the prosecutor is making his or her case about how terrible we are, how awful things are, and how we'll never get through this - ie go to jail and do not pass go.  What we need to do is work with our defense attorney.  Not to the point that we get off scott free from everything that we need to deal with, but to bring us back to a balance.  Yes, this event sucks (my mom having EOAD) but its not something that should send me to prison (depression, anxiety, not being able to still do things with my friends etc).  Our defense attorney needs to be able to help us.  Unfortunately, most of us let the prosecutor run the show.

That made me remember a friend relaying a message from her pastor about planes.  Our minds are the air traffic controller, and our thoughts are airplanes. Its up to our air traffic controller to decide which planes land and stay, which planes buzz and are denied landing, and which planes land and then we make leave.  I liked that analogy at the time.  Negative, self beating up thoughts are to be denied landing!

Anyway, none of this may make sense to you if you don't struggle with negative self talk, but I do. I'm my own worst critic.

So today my goal is to let my defense attorney beat up on my prosecutor, and my ATC to keep those negative planes from landing.  :)

The therapist also suggested I journal..and guess where my journal is.  Haha you got it....blogspot.

Lessons Learned the Hard Way...

Means I wont forget them!

So I've been couponing since oh, about end of May seriously.

CVS and Kroger are my fave stores, simply because CVS is easy (and ours is really close to my house, and the cashiers are so FRIENDLY! - they already knew me by name because we get our prescriptions there), and Kroger in our area doubles coupons.  I heart CVS and Southern Savers are my fave website that match up the sales to the coupons. For local deals, there is a GREAT resource in Gone Klippin' Krazy. She's great!

I decided I'd brave Walgreens.  I read and read the policy, and the ins and outs, and even after just over 3 months, I STILL have issues there!  Just when I think I have it figured out, I mess it up again.  Then I wait and say "Im done with walgreens" then I will see a freebie or a "money maker" and try again.

So what I have learned that I have trouble keeping straight for some reason....

If you buy something that prints a register reward, you cant use that register reward to buy the same item to do the same deal, the reward won't print. Ok, well I thought I had that one figured out, and then discovered that SOME companies wont let you use a register reward from item y on item x from the same company! ARGH!  LOL

You have to have at least the same number of items as coupons.  And register rewards are coupons and count in that total, but in ad coupons are price reductions and DO NOT count in the tally. Ugh. But cashiers at my walgreens don't know how this works either.  So you have to have "fillers" or cheap items to make your numbers of items = number of coupons.  So I buy lots of laffy taffy. haha

SOME items with a register reward deal wont print the deal if you use a manufacture coupon you are using too. This one I cant figure out.  Sometimes it doesnt, and I cant figure out the pattern, because its rare enough that I cant figure it out.  If someone out there knows, tell me!