Sunday, August 12, 2012

Just an update

Mom seems to be doing ok, for the moment.  I never really know what we are in for when we go, but we roll with it.

She had some visitors besides me week before last, she did remember that when I saw her last. She enjoyed it.  I wish I had more people who could go, but, it is what it is I suppose.

We visited for a bit, and she was in the super happy mood, which I admit freaks me out just a tad...b/c she's TOO happy. Abnormal happy, but I roll with it that too.

She asked the girls where their brother was...which confused them greatly.  The only thing I can figure is she meant MY brother, and maybe thought my oldest was me?  After she said, "but I dont have a brother" she didnt really want to talk to us much anymore. :(  I asked her if she meant my brother, and she just started laughing, which means she's confused and doesnt want to try to figure it out.

We just let it go and the girls entertained her for awhile.

This disease is so strange.

Jimmy's dad died this weekend, and I'm still kind of in shock from that.  And I know I should greatful mom is still here, but she isnt really.  Its hard to process it all.


Friday, July 6, 2012

I'm thankful...

Last night in my FP4H bible study I was challenged to journal for three days things I am thankful for, and then review it.  Since I dont "journal" so much as blog, I figured Id better do it here. Plus I can read my type, when I go back to read my handwritting even I cant figure it out.  I'm gonna do three straight days here, so I can find it all in one post.  So often we get down in the "whoa is mes" and forget the big picture.

Today is July 6th, 2012 - in no particular order

1) I'm thankful for a dad and stepmom who love my kids, and take them home to spend time with extended family.
2) I'm thankful for an awesome husband.
3) I'm thankful that we are going to be able to get away from home for a short while - even though its short, its still away.
4) I'm thankful I found a place where my mom is safe, happy and I dont have to worry about her. They take really good care of her and I'm grateful for that.
5) I'm thankful I have a job, doing something I like-most days. 
6) I'm thankful for my new bible study on Romans - the group of women that meet in that home study are just simply AH-MAY-ZING, and I'm blessed to get to know them.  God has big things planned for us in that group!
7) I'm thankful for FP4H - God is using it so change my life, and my size.
8) I'm thankful for Jesus, and the redemption we have through Him, to reconcile us with God.
9) I'm thankful to God the father - he has carried me through so much in the last 6 months, when I stop and think about it blows me away.
10) I'm thankful for the Spirit, gently (and sometimes not so gently) showing me the way I should go.
11) I'm thankful for my friends, who correct, and teach with love.  Each one of my friends has a special place in my heart and along this journey known as life.  There are two I could call out by name, but I wont but they should know who they are, one who has been there through the dark times and always willing to help me, even when it made her uncomfortable, and the other a newer friend who always tells me the truth - even when it makes me uncomfortable. I'm blessed beyond measure with friends who cover us in prayer and lift us up, encourage me along the way and God placed.


12)I'm thankful for flowers, trees, breezes, fluffy clouds, sunshine, rain, moon - everything in nature that is so breathtakingly beautiful I cant see how one can look at it and NOT see God the Creator.

13) I'm thankful for both of my children, my precious daugthers.  The house is too quiet with the gone.  I love their laughter, their silliness, their sweetness, and even their sibling disagreements.  I'm thankful they are learning to follow Jesus.




July 7 2012

1) I'm thankful for lazy Saturday mornings, even if the house is too quiet with the kids gone.

2) I'm thankful for air conditioning.

3) I'm thankful for my dogs - even when it feels like the world is out to get you, your dogs arent.  They love regardless of if you failed that day.  Esp our three, they just want to be petted.

4) I'm thankful for a washer and dryer.

5) I'm thankful for a dishwasher.  (can you tell chores are on my to do list today?)

6) I'm thankful that I can always access a Bible.  one of our 5 hard copies, my phone, computer- we are always within reach of God's word. Many people just WISH they could get a few pages of the Bible to have as their own, yet we are so privileged.

7) I'm thankful for our home.  Its in a good, friendly (and patriotic) neighborhood. I love that.  Even if it isnt a McMansion or have enough storage, its ours (well, ours plus BOA).

July 8 2012

1) I'm thankful that my mom knew what day it was today, unfortunately, I cant take her to church like she asked because we are headed out of town, but, she knew it was Sunday and got the people at the home to call me because she wanted to go to church.  Thats an improvement.

2) I'm thankful for rain.

3) I'm thankful for comfortable walking shoes.

4) I'm thankful that my kids are making lifetime memories with my dad and stepmom.  Apparently they are planning a trip to Chattanooga this week. :)






Thursday, July 5, 2012

It is finished


IT IS FINISHED

Three words, Jesus said on the cross.

I didn't realize, until this past Sunday, that the Greek word Jesus uttered was the word that the people wrote on debts that had been paid.   I mean don't get me wrong, I have heard my whole life "Jesus paid it all" *cue the old school song* "Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe, sin had left a crimson stain, He washed, it white as snow"  and our debt is "paid in full" but I don't think I ever really got it. 

If some nice person off the street walked up to you, handed you your mortgage (or student loan papers, car loan papers, whatever) and on it was a letter from the lender with the worlds "PAID IN FULL" on it.  Free gift from them.  You don't have to do anything, but believe they did it. 

What would you do?  I'd prolly dance for joy and jump up and down like I won the lottery or the Super Bowl, or an olympic gold medal. Every time I thought about the payoff I'd be full of joy. I also would tell everyone I ran into Hey, do you know so and so? Let me tell you what they did for ME!

What would you not do?
Well, you can bet I'd quit worrying about that debt.  Also, when time to pay next months bills rolled around, I wouldn't try to pay it anyway.  I wouldn't keep sending a check.  I wouldn't feel guilty for using the money on other stuff. 

Why then, is it so hard to accept the redemption that Jesus offers?  Deep down, we all want to be loved unconditionally, have our sins and our debt to God "paid in full". The good news is, we can! Because God loves us so much, He sent is son to die, to be the perfect sacrifice that would pay our debt to him in full.  EVEN while we were sinners. EVEN though, Jesus knew everything I would ever say and do, and even though I didn't deserve anything from Him.  I ought to be dancing for joy, and not be able to contain the desire to introduce people to the One who saved me - redeemed me, paid my debt to God in full, so that I can have peace with God and not face his wrath?   Instead I want to "earn" it  "DO" something to show I'm "good enough" to accept redemption, when the simple fact is, I will never be.  I can't be good enough apart from Jesus.  The ONLY path to righteousness is having sin atoned - and the only way for atonement is through a pure sacrifice, and the only pure sacrifice is Jesus.  He paid my debt. In full.  Because of God's mercy and grace.  Not something I have done, not something I can do, the only thing that is required of me is to believe.  

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.  You see, at just the right time, while we were powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might dare to die.  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since we have been justified by the blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him?  For if, while we were God's enemies, we were reconciled through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life?  Not only is this so, but we boast in God Through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have no received reconciliation."  (Romans 5:1-11)

This is NIV, but in the American Standard Translation exult is used instead of boast. I like that connotation better - boast implies "look at me, look what I've done" and exult implies "look at Him, look what He did" 

While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us - I wouldn't die for me.  There are only a handful of humans on the planet I WOULD die for - yet Jesus died for all of us.  ALL of us. Even the ones who don't look or act like us, even the ones that are mean to us, say horrible things about us etc. 

Now, this doesn't mean we can walk an aisle, say a prayer, and then go and live like hell on Monday- but it DOES mean that our salvation is by faith in Jesus, because of Gods love, grace and mercy. 

I am terrible about beating myself up about mistakes. But Jesus knew every single mistake I'd make, and you know what?  He still went to the cross for me.  When our debt is PAID IN FULL - that means its GONE.  The next time we stumble, God doesn't drag out all our old mistakes and go, well, I see you are back again for this - no, he accepts our confession, wipes it away, and tells us to "go and sin no more". Humans are the ones that drag up all our old mistakes. Think about fighting with someone you love?  Do you drag up everything they ever did to tick you off when you fight?  IF so, that isn't true forgiveness.  If you approach each issue as separate, then you are closer. Personally, I'm situational.  Sometimes I do drag up old stuff, sometimes I don't.  I need to let God work on me there.  We'll never reach perfection until we are called home, but if we let Him, God will make us a little more like him every day. We are always under construction, but that doesn't mean we aren't useful, don't have a purpose. HA you say, you don't know what I've done! No, I don't - but God does, and Jesus went to the cross for you too.  Sin is sin to God.  They are equal. Men place sin on a scale of terrible, to not so bad.  To God, its the same.  Lusting after someone who isn't your spouse, is the same as murdering someone. THE SAME. Both keep you from being reconciled with God, and keep you in a position were you will face wrath and death.   Am I perfect at this? Goodness no.  I'm a rebellious 2 year old inside who wants to do it my way. 

I used to think I'll do such and such and so and so in missions or standing for Jesus when God and I have worked out this laundry list of issues I have.  Well, I now realize, that every corner that has the light shone on it, allows me to identify and confess something, and I can move on. That debt is paid in full. It doesn't mean that I cant stand for Jesus while we are working on things.  I'm a trainwreck and sure I feel like a hypocrite, cus every time God works out something in my flesh, something else is revealed. But, I can say if any "good" is accomplished through me, its HIM and his strength, not me and my weaknesses. 

What I DO NOT want to be, is any of the people mentioned in Romans 1:18-28.  And if my choices in behavior, what I will or wont participate in, or if I take a stand make me unpopular today, that's ok.  Id rather be unpopular today that  God "giving me over" to anything that isn't reconciliation with him. 
"Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them"  Romans 1:32

So when you ask me to go to a movie, listen to a song, be ok with something in the culture at large that isn't ok with Jesus, then I can't do it.  I can't condone it.  I must speak out.  Today that looks different than it did even a year ago. Next year, more things may be added as they are revealed to me. Its a work in progress, and that's ok. 

Monday, May 28, 2012

Changes, they are a comin'

So many changes going on in our lives right now - a season of change.

We moved mom into a nursing home for her safety.  Its been a huge blessing for her and for us.

I joined first place 4 health, the plan to is to get healthy, this time letting God help instead of trying in my own strength.

Our oldest is going to Junior High next year, and we re did mom's old bed room for her- letting her pick the colors.  She chose lime green for the walls, so we are accenting with blue, purple and pink. We finished it up this weekend with help from a friend - she's SO happy.



Emma cleaned out her room, and now she's all happy with "clean". She wants to repaint hers too, but one at a time.  :)

The next thing on the list is our room and closet, then the office.  I want the entire house "purged" for our new beginnings.




Friday, April 6, 2012

Margret Sanger - is NOT a hero to women

the most merciful thing that the large family does for one of its infant members is to kill it - Margret Sanger - "Women and the New Race" - dont believe that she wrote it? Read it yourself, the book is free on google. She does NOT represent my views.

REALLY read her works, writings and ideas.  She was FOR abortion, infanticide, and erasing African Americans from the country - dont believe it?  Research the Negro Project - 1939.

Did our forefathers want freedom from religion in our government?

I suggest the answer is no.  I went to see Monumental, the movie where Kirk Cameron explores the roots of our country back to the Puritans who came on the Mayflower.

How many of us have this cute little picture in our heads of some people in black, with some big guns, eating corn with Native Americans b/c they were too stupid to figure out food?  I know that's basically what I was taught in school.

However, while exploring the Puritans roots in England, the leading expert on Puritans explains what the people actually went through to leave England, how long it took and what they risked.  I just thought they up and decided one day to get away from the King and the Mayflower was ready to go.  No, according to this lady who studies the Puritans, it was actually a long hard road.  They got the Bible in English - which was heresy at the time. They had their own church services and denounced the Church of England- treason.  They tried to escape to Holland only to be captured and the men imprisoned. They they tried to escape to Holland again - this time the men made it but were separated from their wives, children and possessions for a whole year.  They then lived in Holland for 12 years - before going back to England - and deciding to leave for the new world. They took their whole families, not just the men like many who were exploring the new world were doing. They had two ships, and left in the fall - not the best time to cross the North Atlantic in a sailing ship.  One ship had to turn back, and they had to leave about half of them behind. They had miserable conditions on board, it took longer than it was supposed to and they arrived in winter - in New England - with almost nothing.

Nearly half of the 100 died that first winter - they all would have if the Captain had left like he was planning to but he couldnt leave with the women and children so vulnerable. They slept on top of their kids to keep them warm - almost all of the women died. At one point, only 6 of the 100 could even walk - taking care of the rest who were sick.

What drove them to these desperate measures?  Have you ever been so desperate to worship Jesus that you'd live like that? I'd wager not many people in our country today have an inkling of what they went through to get to America - or what they wanted the gov't to look like.

They had lived under oppressive tyranny where the church and gov't were one - the gov't controlled the people of England through the church.  The church of England didnt want the people to have the Bible in their language b/c they didnt want the people to realize what a farce the church had become when compared to the church of the Bible. So they made it illegal to own a copy. Illegal! They smuggled bibles in kegs - how many Bibles do you have in your house?  Do you open them?  They risked their LIVES to own and read one - yet we just lay them around as "props".

Their idea of gov't is captured in a monument to our forefathers - one I had never even HEARD of much less seen. Why isn't this show and explained in schools and history books? Because its counter progressive era.  The revisionist history has GOT to be fought people, before we lose!

The Purtains did NOT want a church run gov't or a gov't run church - that did not mean they did not want the very basis of our gov't to be the church.  Let me explain.  They had seen the tyranny people use against each other in the name of religion - they wanted the basis of this new country to be REAL Christianity.


Esther Call

A dear friend of mine told me she was going to participate in the Esther Call in Dallas, yesterday and today.  I didnt even hear about it anywhere near in time for me to even think about going, but imagine my joy and surprise when I found out it was streaming online.  I have been so blessed today by this group of women and men who are calling on the name of the Lord for revival, an end to abortion, a flow of adoptions,  blessings on the President and the SCOTUS - its been absolutely amazing.  I cant even imagine what it must be like THERE, because just watching and listening has been so powerful.

The Church needs to RISE UP and be the church.  Expose the lies of abortion. Love on these women and girls, facing what they think is the 'only way' and the men and boys who are struggling with it too.

This nation needs the next great awakening.  Are you listening?  Are you awake? watching, praying?

If you are prolife, what have you done about it?  Pilate knew it was wrong to kill Jesus, and he "washed his hands" - have you "washed your hands" of the blood of the innocents?

If you are not prolife - just take 33 minutes out of your day and watch the 180 movie. at http://180movie.com/   Just watch.

And when you are done, can you honestly answer this question?

Its ok to kill a child when - ?

11 million people died "legally" when good people bought the lies that they were not worthy to live at the hands of the Nazis.

In 39 years since Abortion became legal in this country, 53+Million died when good people bought the lies that it was a choice.